You guys.

Ohmigosh, you guys.

This is the last installment. All our good times together! All the joy! The turtlenecks! The gay! The bad parenting!

Well, I suppose it is time to soldier on. You know, like Lionel's brother. Who died in Vietnam.

( Provided, of course, that the Vietnam war took place in 1986 )

Okay dudes, here's the reason you had to wait for so long for this installment of FAMILY ALBUM: ( I had to come to terms with my painful embarrassment over watching )

Ohman, why so long since the last post???? Because I am cruel? Because I assumed you had all run out and bought the DVD at once?

No no, boring real life crap that DOES NOT BELONG HERE, FOR IT IS DULL. Instead--

( let's dive back in to the madness )

prepare your heartstrings, y'all

( okay, at least his military uniform is about right? I guess? )

One thing I forgot to include in the last installment is that when Lionel is talking to Rough Trade Actor about his reluctance to come out, he says this: "My brother is this all out jock, and my father wants me to be more like him."

OH WOE WOE WOE

anyway, oh man. oh man. I have to catch my breath from looking at what is up in this installment.

( ha ha! people totally wore these clothes in the sixties and early seventies!!!! )

ARE YOU READY FOR FAMILY ALBUM

ARE YOU READY

( take me away, Danielle )

Two things happened to me today at Ross (Dress for Less!):

1. An old woman ran into me with her motorized wheelchair. Now, normally this would just be a whoops incident, but I was crouched down to look at an earrings display, and she did not have great control of her wheelchair-- so she literally SLAMMED into me, and then I was being CRUSHED against a solid surface for a period long enough for me to be both in pain, and becoming quite concerned about how I was going to extricate myself from her wheelchair's deadly grasp.

2. And after that, I wandered over to the DVD shelf, where they have things like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in French, and a million belly dancing videos.

Oh, and some Danielle Steel movies.

YES THAT'S RIGHT FAMILY ALBUM, BITCHES. I know someone did screencaps of Joe. F angrily ripping off his shirt and diving into a pool recently, and my mind has blanked on who (SORRY INTERNET), but-- I definitely remember them saying that this movie-- nay, MINISERIES-- sucked.

OH WOW. Dudes, this miniseries was possibly the best 240 minutes of my LIFE. Danielle Steel should post her stuff on wraithbait, SERIOUSLY, SO AWESOME. With the gay son and the losing of athletic scholarships and the running away to get knocked up in a drug dealing cult and the cheating on Jaclyn Smith (seriously???) and the AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS homophobic incidents and the fake Hollywood and the deep conversations about Sylvia Plath and the slasher flick and the JOHN WATERS CAMEO and it is pretty much the best thing ever. Like, it supposedly spans the fifties to, I guess, the mid-nineties, but none of the clothes are remotely time-appropriate, so I kept guessing it was the eighties when it was, well, still the sixties, but WHATEVER, AWESOME.

So look, no offense at all to the nice person who posted the screencaps, but I have terrible taste, so I screencapped THE REST OF THE MOVIE (well, parts with Joe F. being adorably and non-threateningly gay), and I will be sharing it with all of you v. soon.

THANKS WHEELCHAIR LADY

YOU HELPED ME FIND JOY AND FULFILLMENT