title: Edit (sequel to "cut and fucking paste")
pairings: spock/uhura, newtrek/oldtrek, kirk/bafflement
note: gratitude to quettaser, who looked this over, and with whom I shared a fantastic interchange re: all of Kirk's fingers being fingerguns, even when he is not making the "pew pew" noise
Jim is-- it hurts. It fucking hurts and he's going to die, this time-- he knows because Bones is shouting and Uhura's eyes look too shiny and Spock is leaning over him, saying "Captain, you--" and nothing else and his father always said command was a heavy burden but this is-- more.
He pulls Spock down for one last kiss, a trembling press of lips, and then closes his eyes: ready.
(Right before he passes out, though, he remembers-- he never knew his father. His father died when he was a baby and fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck--)
Jim wakes up in sickbay, then immediately regrets it.
"You shut up," he says, glaring up at Bones and his stupid face.
"Whatever can you mean, Captain? I haven't said anything."
"I haven't said a single solitary thing about the incredibly touching scene up on the transporter pad. I haven't said even one word about the conference-- first puzzling, and later hilarious-- that I had to have with Spock. I haven't even begun to describe my fascination in discovering that you, of all people, are somehow the repository for lifelong knowledge of true love--"
Jim puts a pillow over his head. "You're a jerk in two universes. AT LEAST. And a drunk in both."
"Yeah, well, I sincerely hope that Spock has still only sucked your dick in one. Now sit up, we need to talk about your PT."
Spock does not fault the Captain for his error in a moment of trauma-- his pain and disorientation were great, and it is a relief that he survived the hurts he suffered. The Captain had previously explained about his inadvertently double consciousness, and has heretofore done an exceptional job at preventing the other life from bleeding into this one.
Nevertheless, Spock is less than pleased that the Captain's current convalescence has prevented him from being the one to explain everything to Nyota.
"The-- other you," she says, slowly.
"And...the other him."
"So I understand."
She is nodding. Her eyes are wide. Spock is almost certain that she will be requesting an alcoholic beverage from the ship's recreational facilities at some point during the course of the evening. Her knee is jiggling up and down.
"And the other you," she continues. Spock, though he appreciates the methodical carefulness of her attempts to ascertain the truth of the matter, wonders briefly about Dr. McCoy's claims for the virtues of "just screaming at each other till you're all worn out and no one cares about the damn problem anymore".
Jim lies in bed, annoyed. Maybe a present? He wonders what the protocol is for a "whoa, sorry, thought I was in the other timeline where we fucked" apology gift. He should ask Chekov, probably. That kid knows a lot about random shit.
Still, first things first. "So, Scotty," he says. "There was a lot of confusion up on the bridge, down in the transporter room, etc. And yet you found the time to send a shipwide email that read, and I quote, "holy shit enterprise kirk just kissed spock STOP what the fuck STOP anyone who knew about this and didn't say owes me big time STOP".
Scotty squirms in his chair at Jim's bedside. "Well. Yes."
"Actually, shipwide isn't entirely accurate-- since there is apparently a distribution list that includes everyone aboard this ship OTHER than Spock, Uhura, Bones and myself."
"You're all so very busy, don't like to bother you with unimportant--"
"Mr. Scott. What is the one thing I hate more than anything else in the entire universe?"
Cringing, Scotty's eyes turn even more apologetic than before. "Having your pain and personal life being made into fodder for the shipwide gossip mill, sir?"
Jim feels his expression turn baffled. "Dude, have we met? No, fuck, I hate being left out of the loop, you know that! Look, I get that the crew wants to gossip about their senior officers. That's cool-- fun tradition. But Scotty! I thought we were Delta Vega bros forever! We almost got tattoos together! Forward me all the good stuff, okay? No one's going to get in trouble, jeez. Unless they say racist shit about Vulcans, because, you know, fuck that noise."
Scotty frowns. "You-- want to be in the loop. Of gossip. About you."
"Yeah, thanks. Hey, ask Bones if I can have some more juice."
"And the kiss--"
Jim pins him with a glare. "Hey, quid pro quo, buddy-- you'll find out what it was really about only when you start telling me what people think it was about. Now c'mon. JUICE. I like apple."
Scotty scampers off, giving it all he's got.
One week later, the Captain stops by Spock's quarters at 2100 hours.
"Soooooooooooooooooooooo," he says, rocking on his heels. Spock, as skilled as he is at interpreting and responding to Terran colloquialisms, is unable to formulate an appropriate reply. He opens his mouth, then shuts it.
"Chekov said I shouldn't bring a present," Kirk adds, nodding decisively. "And he would know!"
Kirk frowns, then. "I shouldn't say that. I'm sure he wouldn't. Well, pretty sure."
Vulcans do not grimace, but Spock feels that this is an instance where he wonders about the wisdom of that cultural decision. He will be sure to consult the Elders in his next message. "Captain, I have explained the situation to Uhura, and I myself do not fault you for what was unconsciously done. Please do not trouble yourself."
"That's good of you to say, but I've been reading up on the sexual harassment regs-- Pike keeps sending them to me with specially underlined passages, for some reason-- and it seems like I could be responsible for creating a hostile workplace environment for you. I would hate to think I'm responsible for making you uncomfortable."
Spock has never huffed incredulously before, but he considers himself to have made an excellent first attempt at it.
"Okay, fine, but not uncomfortable for that reason! So, look, here's a brochure. Maybe it will help."
Spock takes the teal pamphlet, and flips it open to scan its contents briefly. There are lots of happy faces, but also stern faces, and then sections like "...your supervisor, such as a manager. If your supervisor advises you to remain silent or not report such activity to human resources because you may be fired, your supervisor has neglected his/her duties and your employer may be held accountable. Not reporting such activity directly contravenes Government Code Section 12940(k). Moreover, your supervisor will have neglected his/her duty to report this behavior to his/her superior, and thus may have hindered correction action, needlessly prolonging your emotional suffering."
Kirk clears his throat. "Spock...has your emotional suffering been needlessly prolonged?"
It is impossible to detect any mockery or levity in Kirk's voice, and as he is rarely eager to keep his jokes at the expense of others a secret, Spock is forced to conclude that he is in earnest. "I am well, captain."
"Great! Okay, well, you have a nice day-- with the, math-- and I'll see you back on duty tomorrow. FRIEND."
Spock places the pamphlet in one of his desk drawers, then sits down to meditate. Mental exhaustion has been more of a constant in his life as First Officer of the Enterprise than it had been at the Academy, and he must assuage it when he can. (He will think about potential correlations later.)